If you haven’t heard, today is Valentine’s Day, the worst holiday known to mankind except for maybe Father’s Day, which is 100% commercial and has no historical backdrop. Valentine’s Day has some history although not really. It’s named after a St. Valentine, although we don’t know which one (there were three) and we don’t know anything about them (one or two of them were killed while defending …Christianity but that’s it), and we don’t know why there is romantic connotation to them. Chaucer mentioned the Valentines in his infinitely boring poetry we are force-fed by our English teachers, but Chaucer’s rendition is probably referring to some day in May. Oh, one more, Pope Paul the whatever, (I easily forget numbers and refuse to research while writing) in the 1960s actually did away with this holiday, admitting, once and for all, ‘we have no clue who St. Valentine is other than where he was buried.’”
-James Altchur